Merry Christmas!, Feliz Navidad!, Joyeux Noël!

Yep yep... HA!

xoxo
Cuca

The day before Christmas

It's Tuesday the 23rd of December. One day before Christmas and my mom is unusually showing off her Christmas Spirit. I think it's awesome because she never really shows any emotions regarding Christmas Day but I find it weird. I don't think I've ever seen her like this, not in my 21 years of life. We've been shopping like crazy this past week and one week ago, my mom started playing music of "the season". I think it was at a mega store that she got 5 Christmas CD's for free. It's the same songs but all in different music genres; electronica, pop, country, latin and I don't remember the other one. She's been playing them everywhere, and by that I mean the car, the house, the kitchen and she already ordered us to play them during dinner tomorrow. She's hilarious and she seems pretty happy, which makes me happy. I just hope it lasts, haha. Family dinners tend to be drama every time. This year, Christmas dinner is going to be chez nous. 20 relatives are coming and I am in charge of dessert. I'm making my already famous–among my family–vegan cupcakes and cake (I hope the little kids like them). I'm very excited because this month's celebrations have never happened in my house, they've always been in my Aunt and Uncle's house or at my late grandmother's house. It will hopefully go well and I'm looking forward to it. I bought a "granny" sweater (that's how I call it) yesterday. I've been meaning to buy one ever since the beginning of the year but I never did, so yeaterday I decided I would buy it and I am very happy with it and just for the hell of it, there's a picture at the bottom so that you can be jealous of my brand new granny sweater, haha. Merry Christmas everyone!

xoxo
Cuca

Spill it out.

Sometimes I just want to touch your face
Give you a kiss and say "I love you"
But I know that I can't
Because you're not here
You're not anywhere.

Moral hangover to come...

I didn't go to university today. I woke up to go to the bathroom and felt cold air going through my whole body. My bare feet dropped temperatures in a matter of seconds. I managed to keep my eyes closed during the walk from the side of my bed to the bathroom because I didn't want my sleeping mode to go away, it goes away with light reflecting from my eyes. It was not hard to keep them closed as I know the way by heart. It's as if my feet were automatic and had a life of their own. They guided and sat me on the toilet. Safely sat me on the toilet. Sometimes it's not like that. Sometimes I'd hit my toe with the bed. That instantly wakes me up.
I put on socks and my reindeer pajama button up shirt on top of the short sleeve one and crept back in my blankets.
I slept for another 45 minutes or so and woke up to the smell of coffee.
I didn't go to university today. I decided to stay, drink coffee and relax.
I'm waiting for the usual moral hangover. It will eventually come and I will ask myself if it was worth missing out on both of my classes.

xoxo
Cuca

What about sharks?

We worry about dolphins, turtles, chickens, dogs, pigs, horses, etc., but what about sharks?
If you haven't seen the documentary "Sharkwater", you should. It will open your eyes.
There's also an organization. You can go here and subscribe or find out how you can help out:
Sharkwater

How many people do you need to save a squirrel?

The answer is: 2.
With these kind of questions you expect a dumb or weird response but in this case the answer is just, two.
Sunday morning I was home in the kitchen making myself some breakfast and filling a really big cup with green tea–with a little bit of soy milk, mmm...–and suddenly I hear this weird squeaking sound. Outside my house live a few birds who make almost the same sound.
My mother asked what the noise was and I said that it may be the birds outside. I kept cooking and drinking tea but I kept hearing the same sound and seconds after I heard a huge "squeeeeeeaaaak", that's when I knew it was serious. I stepped outside and there they were.
I have a cat... a huge cat. It doesn't even look like a cat, it looks like a freaking panther.
Sylvester(the cat)caught a poor squirrel–outside my house there's also a squirrel commune, as I like to call it–and he was holding it with his mouth. Smelly(the squirrel)was making those noises and I can't believe I ignored them for about 5 minutes.
As soon as I saw both animals I decided to tell Sylvester to let the squirrel go and tried to grab him but instead he entered through the main door, squirrel in mouth and headed upstairs to my brother's room.
The whole way I screamed: "let it go!!"
Yeah right, as if my cat would ever listen to me.
The good thing is that when he entered my brother's room he let the squirrel go. However, the very intelligent little animal decided to hide behind a big furniture.
My very hysterical mother said that I should let Sylvester catch her so that she wouldn't bite me and give me rabies. I didn't even answer, the mere suggestion was stupid and I wouldn't do it.
My brother gave me a pair of gloves to cover my hands and I tried to catch her but she was too far back.
I spent about ten minutes trying to grab her. Neither my brother nor my mother helped me and then comes my dad...
I don't want to make this too long but we spent another fifteen minutes there and I finally grabbed her with my pair of gloves on and an extra blanket to cover her face so that she wouldn't freak out even more.
What impressed me the most is that while trying to get her, not once did she try to bite me. I can only remember her dark, scared eyes looking at me.
I went downstairs to the living room, to the door and headed to the backyard --where I'm sure a bunch other squirrels were planning the rescue of a fellow commune-habitant and released the little rodent.
I felt so happy and helpful. I had never saved a squirrel. Well, I can't take all the credit, my dad was very very helpful.
That's the story. Smelly is now safe and well, ha.

xoxo
Cuca
p.s. I have no idea if the squirrel was a "she" but as I typed, "she" came out instead of "he."

PROPOSITION 2 PASSES!(oh my... all these propositions)

Well, I feel a little ignorant because I did not know there was a proposition 2(in California)that had been passed at the time of election. Of course, it was not my job to know because I don't live in the US nor am I an American. However, I am a vegetarian and I should have known... right? Proposition 2:

• Prevents cruelty to animals.
• Improves our health and food safety.
• Supports family farmers.
• Protects air and water and safeguards the environment.
• Is a reasonable and common-sense form.

Proposition 2 passed and now more than 20 million animals are going to be saved and be humanely treated. This is not a proposition that bashes against meat-eating people. This is a proposition that opens people's eyes and is against animal cruelty(e.i.confining veal calves, breeding pigs, and egg-laying hens in tiny cages)happening just because profit from selling is above everything else. It doesn't matter if you're a vegan, vegetarian or omnivore, I'm sure none of us like how the "animal industry" had been working.

"Florida, Arizona, Colorado, and Oregon have banned gestation crates, and Arizona and Colorado have also banned veal crates. Major California food retailers are moving away from supporting battery cages and veal and gestation crates. California city councils have also passed resolutions opposing battery cage confinement."

That's one of the reasons why this initiative was launched in California.
Not only is it good for animals but it's good for all of us as well. I think it's important that it was passed because who knows how much of that meat or eggs ended up here in Mexico in many people's dinner tables... or in their cars when they drove off the Drive-Thru. If you want more information about this amazing proposition, go here: Prop 2 Passed!



xoxo
Cuca

Virtual Addiction.

Every time I turn on my laptop, I compromise myself to just stay long enough to check my email, my Blogger account, Myspace and Facebook account, maybe some updates about bands I'm interested in. Also, I like to read other people's blogs. Perhaps I'll type something in this blog or do something else very quickly. The thing is that I can never stay for less than one hour. Two hours can go by and I'll still be on here. I'm not saying it's a waste of time but what I will say is that it's addictive. The internet has been sucking my life and I think I have to stop turning on my computer for a while.
Today I woke up very lousy-feeling. Yesterday I cleaned my nostrils(you know, warm water+salt+baking soda+somekindofteapot=nostril cleansing.) I poured a little of that solution into my right nostril and it was hell. I had been doing that for a long time, except I had never used baking soda, so including it this time was a bad decision. I realized I had put too much of it in the solution, so basically when I poured in the liquid I felt as if a wave had just crashed onto and into me. Tears came out of my eyes, I started sneezing, stuff came out of my nose and for about 2 minutes it was a horrible experience. Then the symptoms started to go away and I decided to do it once more but with no baking soda. It worked. Then my whole nasal conduct started to congest and for the rest of the night–and this morning–I couldn't breathe through my nose just through my mouth. Fucking horrible and tiring.
It will be a while for me to take another one of those sinus rinsing sessions.
Next time I'll make sure I don't put in one teaspoon of baking soda, ha.
Time to go.

xoxo
Cuca

I leave you with the amazing Julie Doiron.

The Jealous Girlfriends - Organs On The Kitchen Floor

The song/video you're about to listen/watch... Pure greatness.
The Jealous Girlfriends... One of the best bands I've ever heard and wish I had listened to earlier.

ENJOY!

The issue with Proposition 8

I wonder why I care so much about everything that's been going on with the approval of Proposition 8. Especially since I live in Mexico and I'm not an American Citizen. (In case you're reading this and turns out that you have no idea what Prop 8 is because you've been locked up in a dungeon for the past two months or so, Proposition 8–and I quote–"ELIMINATES RIGHT OF SAME-SEX COUPLES TO MARRY. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT. Changes California Constitution to eliminate right of same-sex couples to marry. Provides that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.") Besides the fact that all that's stated in that proposition is false(i.e. "Fiction: Prop 8 doesn’t discriminate against gay people. Fact: Prop 8 is simple: it eliminates the rights for same-sex couples to marry. Prop 8 would deny equal protections and write discrimination against one group of people—lesbian and gay people—into our state constitution."), it's violating people's rights. Rights that they should have just by being born in the US.
When it was time to vote for the new President of the United States of America, in the ballot there was an option to vote YES for Proposition 8(eliminate the right) or NO for Proposition 8(support gay marriage). The fact that proposition 8 was approved by more than half of the American Citizens makes me sick. It's so hypocritical and contradictory.
When I first heard about Proposition 8 I was in San Diego, California, attending the San Diego Street Scene Festival. Outside the venue there were some of the NO ON PROP 8 campaign. My three friends and I walked past one of them and he told us about this proposition --by the way, a proposition supported mostly by the clerical institutions; Catholics, Christians, Mormons(more than $22 million dollars raised and wasted.) -- and asked us to sign a petition supporting the NO On Prop 8 campaign. Even though two of my friends and I couldn't sign because we're not American Citizens, my other friend is, so she signed. We donated money and the guy gave us a sticker, which I still have and keep proudly. He invited us to a rally the next day but we had to come back to Mexico, so we could not attend. We would have loved to.
This issue is not about being gay or not, it's not even about politics, it's about suppressing civil rights that everyone is entitled to, it's about lying to people(a lot of persons who voted YES were misguided by their priests or bishops) and washing their brains so that they would be held responsible for not respecting the "minority's" rights. It's an aberration to still have this type of proposition. It's unbelievable that a Country that claims to be the Country of freedom, of opportunity, of people votes YES for something like this.
I have to go now but I wanted to speak my mind about this issue.
If you want more information go to: No On Prop 8 Site
Thanks for reading.

xoxo
Cuca

If only kidnapping were that easy.

5:00 p.m.
My mother was working at the store, my father probably locked up in his room at my grandmother’s house(his mother’s house), probably sleeping off the wild, heavy night he had had the night before.
My parents were divorced back then and I was home–as always–with my 5 year old brother and Mary, the woman who helped around the house/nanny. She had been working/living with us for about 3 years. We really trusted her.
I was about thirteen years old and was watching TV when suddenly Mary came over to where I was and told me she was walking with my brother to the corner store to buy some junk food.
“I’ll come with”, I said.
“No, it’s okay. You should stay here in case the phone rings. I’ll bring you something, though. What would you like?”
“But I want to go with you, take me with you”.
“NO”, she said in a more serious, grown up voice. “You should stay. What do you want from the store?”
That moment I knew something was wrong–or was about to go wrong– but my brain kept telling me that I was paranoid.
During that time I had been my brother’s mother. My mom worked all day and we only visited my father on the weekends––and not even the whole weekend because he was too busy going out with friends; drinking and potentially doing drugs all night long, so he slept most of the daytime. Me and my brother would have been all alone if it wasn’t for my grandma who took care of us and tried to entertain and educate us as much as she could––Which made me the one who had to take care of my brother when we weren’t with my granny. I fed him, bathed him, played with him, punish him if he did something “bad”. Everything a mother is supposed to do, I did it. A thirteen or fourteen year-old girl taking care of her 8-years-younger brother.
“Whatever... some chips and a lollipop” I told Mary.
She held my brother by the hand and left. I returned to the show I was watching on TV.
About two minutes later I felt that weird feeling in my heart again. Something that told me I had to get up and go to where they were. So I grabbed my skateboard and ran out the door to catch up with them. Halfway on the street I saw them and scared them from behind.
“Boo!”, I screamed.
“You scared us”, my brother said, laughing.
I can still remember Mary’s face as if it was yesterday. She suddenly turned pale and kept walking holding my brother’s hand more tightly each step she took.
When we got to the corner in front of the store, where the bus stop was, a man who looked like a shady, military guy got off the bus in a rush and said to Mary: “Are you ready? Ready to go?”.
I realized Mary’s sister was also there. For an unknown reason she was holding a bouquet of flowers and didn’t say anything, she didn’t even look at me.
I looked Mary in the eyes and asked where she was going.
“I’m taking your brother for an ice cream” and she pulled my brother closer to her.
I grabbed his other hand and pulled towards me. “NO, you’re not taking him. Why did you lie to me?”
She tried pulling him once more but I had the strength of pulling harder. She let him go and finally told her: “He’s not going anywhere with you”.
She got on the bus with her sister and the mysterious man.
That was the last time we ever saw her. She left all her clothes and belongings in my house and never came back.
I still don’t know what she was planning to do with my brother. Tons of theories have crossed my mind. From kidnapping him and asking for a ransom, to probably selling him or prostituting him.
We never knew what her plan was and I thank the higher power for that.
My mom called later that evening to check in on us.
“Mary tried to take my brother”, I said, very calm and serene, following that with the whole story.
She immediately closed the store and came home.
I don’t know what made me react at that moment but it saved my brother’s life. I saved my brother’s life.
I have no memory of what else happened that day, except the story I just told you.
What if I had stayed home, watching TV, waiting for my chips and lollipop? Not only would I still be waiting for that but for my brother as well.

Cuca vs. Parents

Has it ever happened to you that you can't wait for the night to come so you can lie down on your bed, stretch your legs, let go off your thoughts and close your eyes so you can sleep, and then when you actually are on your bed at one second of falling asleep–you're actually already having one of those weird before-sleeping-dreams–and you parents get home with friends and throw a party-like reunion downstairs?
They never even think about you being upstairs trying to sleep.
Very loud(bad)music, tons of drinking and bad jokes are only a few of the factors in the equation.
I consider myself to be like an old person when it comes to going out. I do go to parties and have my late night outs but I usually finish the night kind of early.
Don't get me wrong, I love parties and I really like going out but when I am home trying to sleep, the last f*cking thing I need is my parents not respecting my quiet space.
What bothers me the most is the fact that when they're trying to sleep and I bring friends home and are just watching a movie or listening to some music, they tell me to be quiet so they can sleep. Not only do they ask me, but they demand it. Well, what happened to that with me? Does my sleep time doesn't count? Don't I have the right to tell you to quiet it down?
It pisses me off...
What else can I do if I can't sleep? Of course, write on here.
I hope you're having a great night.

xoxo
Cuca

Obama Elected President.

That's what I'm reading on my TV screen. It's not a dream, is it?
Obama has won the presidency of the United States of America!! YES!
Even though I live in Mexico, I've been very involved and interested in this campaign.
Deep down inside I always knew Barack Obama would win.
I am so happy. So so happy. And I'm not even an American. I can only imagine how Americans are feeling. This is amazing, historic. This is CHANGE.

xoxo
Cuca

I feel nervous for you.

Between today and tomorrow Americans are choosing the next president of the United States. Barack Obama or John McCain? People are voting, Fox News is live and direct from most of the States, of course there's gossip about unfair treatment to Republicans and Democrats but Republicans are whining more.
I sure hope Barack Obama wins. I'm not a citizen of the United States but I've been obsessed with this election. Sadly, I have to admit that I have even been doing more research on this election than on the Mexican one, which is where I live. I know more about American candidates than I knew about Mexican candidates. I followed every single debate between Biden and Palin, Obama and McCain... I know, it's pathetic but it's different times. I couldn't help but to be involved in the American election. It's historic.
Please go out and vote. Vote for whomever but please be sure that you know who and what you're voting for.
Good luck Barack Obama!!

xoxo

Cuca

Halloween for Everyone.

As you all know, it was Halloween yesterday. Even though in Mexico we celebrate Día de Muertos more than Halloween, there's some people who do go trick or treating. There's a lot of people who do, actually. Not only kids and parents who do it for fun but also the kids who do it just to get something to eat.
My friends Emilia, Santiago and I decided to buy candy and marshmallows and go to the streets where street kids hang out and clean windshields or do something to get through the day and give them their treat.
The majority of them had little plastic pumpkins in which they could keep their candies.
It was an amazing night. We ran out of treats in about forty minutes. A lot of kids and parents were happy, we were happy and I think we managed to give a lot of kids who work all day and don't even go to school a night off. Because after all, Halloween should be for everyone, right?

xoxo
Cuca

Uncertainty arises.

Sometimes, well, more often than not I feel like I'm wasting my time. Lately I've been feeling down and the inspirational/creative part of my mind, body and soul has gone missing. All I seem to do lately is watch TV and eat veggies and natural fruit—mango, strawberry, lime, coconut, grape, orange, tangerine, etc, etc,.—popsicles (they're pretty common here in Mexico. They have no preservatives, colorants nor anything chemical. They're delicious). I'm a Visual Arts student and lately haven't been inspired at all. About a month ago I started taking tons of photographs—which reminds me that I still have 3 35mm films and one medium format film still undeveloped—but lately... NOTHING. While growing up I was always really bad at school, especially in secondary school. I failed courses all the time, failed final exams and had to go to summer school during that 3 year period. Then I entered high school (10th grade) and I wasn't so bad anymore. Still, I always felt like school was never something for me. It never interested me; I got bored, I didn't like to interact with people as much and most of the time I had my headphones on. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't as anti-social as this may sound—not that there's anything wrong with being one.— I was in the soccer team, I had a lot of friends, I liked the teachers and the teachers liked me but it just wasn't my world, you know? I always felt (and still feel) like I didn't fit in. I'm in the fifth semester of my career and still have doubts about what I'm doing. I know doubts never really go away but I don't know if I'm still going the right direction... As a matter of fact, I don't even know if I made the right decision from the beginning. Am I wasting my time? The perfect excuse made by my brain is that this is something I have to live and experience; all the laziness, all the doing-nothing-time. All that wasted time. Is it worth it? How do I know if that time wasn't meant to have a great photograph or creation within its hours, minutes and seconds? Music has always been my passion, even more than Visual Arts. For reasons I don't quite understand now, I didn't go to a music school when I finished High School. Instead, I decided to apply to the Visual Arts department. I don't regret it, I just don't know if it's right for me anymore. I've never been the kind of person who finishes things, I always give up one thing before finishing it and start with the other. Sports, several extracurricular classes and activities, friends, projects, even music. I never finish anything. I hate it. I hate being so inconsistent and irresponsible. My lack of interest for my career is starting to bother me. Deep inside I know that I love Photography, it's definitely one of my passions in life but what kills my creative soul is school. They make me look at what I love as an assignment, a responsibility, something I HAVE to do when THEY want me to do it. I can't work like that. I don't function like that. They take the meaning out of my work. For the past few months I've been remembering the time when the High School counselor asked me how I saw myself in the future, in ten years. I always saw myself playing music, touring, sharing what I love the most (music) with everyone else. I never told her that. Instead I answered: 'I'm not sure, yet.'

xoxo
Cuca

My self-confused-portrait:

It's Monday once again.

It's Monday once again. Today I woke up at 6:45 am. Not because I had to (I don't have to go to the University until 10:00 am) but because my whole world backed up one hour, literally. The time changed on Saturday and what today was 6:45 am, had been 7:45 am for several months. I wonder if that slows my life down too. Does it allow me to get older any slower? What's for sure is that I'm not getting any younger, at least not physically. Spiritually, yes I am.
I always get invaded by the feeling of not wanting to do anything at all, not right now, not two hours later, not for a week. I just want to lay down and think. Write and think, think and write. Maybe cook something...
It's Monday once again and my life isn't getting any slower.

Boobs are scary.

Yesterday I accompanied my mom to the doctor. Earlier in the morning she had had a mammography, and since she had "dense zones", the lab people suggested she'd get a mammary ultrasound.
When I arrived home from school -it must have been 13:30-, she told me about the results and about the mammary ultrasound she'd get at 16:30 that same day. She basically made me feel nervous as hell and she looked as nervous as I had never seen her. Her hands were shaking and all...
To make her feel better (and make myself feel better) I kept telling her during lunch and the 2+ remaining hours that it was nothing, that it must be some weird mass, nothing cancerous, formed after she had breast augmentation surgery a few years back.
We arrived at the doctor's office and sat in the waiting room. All I could think about was: "What if she does have a malignant tumor and how will I react?". Cancer history in her family is not as huge, though her father died of brain cancer and her aunt -I think it was her- died of cancer too. I don't remember what kind.
"Cancer has been 'following' me everywhere lately" (side effect of the Fight Against Cancer Month) I kept thinking. My best friend also got checked up a few days ago because she felt a lump in her breast.
She's fine, it's just a water lump or something like that.
I watched the documentary "Crazy Sexy Cancer" on TV a few days ago as well and realized how real cancer is for every woman in the world (men too but I want to emphasize on women). I know that cancer is a common disease nowadays but I don't know, it just opened my eyes more.
We waited for about 35 minutes and during that time I started filling up a crossword, which made me feel like an ignorant because a didn't know most of the definitions/words.
We finally got called to enter the ultrasound room and the doctor was very funny. I guess he has already built up a funny personality to break the ice, make it easier if he has to tell bad news and of course, he's dealing with boobs, so...
I don't want to go into detail on the whole process but the bottom line is that after about 40 minutes of breast nomenclature explanation and looking at every single detail on the screen, he told us that everything was fine and that it was because of the breast implants that her body had self created tissue and a dense mass around her breast to keep the implant in place and "safe".
I felt extremely relieved, I think I felt more relieved than she did. No, that's impossible but I felt so happy and excited for her and for my family. I can't put it into words.
Then I started wondering about all the women who go into that room and come out with the "other" result. "I do have a malignant tumor, what will I do?".
I hope those women find their way and get through it. Who knows? Maybe I'll be next.

Soon...

If anyone is reading this, I just want to say that soon you'll get the chance to read one of the best blogs you've ever read. No, no, I'm kidding. However you will get the chance to read a pretty cool blog [meaning this one]. I thought that when I opened my Blogger account I'd be able to write the million things in my head and crappy notebooks on here but I haven't been able to do so. Suddenly, it's become very important and necessary for me that I type non-boring, interesting, helpful words and sentences. What if what is interesting to me isn't interesting for anyone else? What if nobody cares?
I keep telling myself that maybe I am expecting a little too much for this blog -which I have no idea how it's going to be written, yet.
Just hang in there, I swear it will be a great blog. Or maybe not but I'll do my best.

xoxo
Cuca