Spill it out.

Sometimes I just want to touch your face
Give you a kiss and say "I love you"
But I know that I can't
Because you're not here
You're not anywhere.

I feel nervous for you.

Between today and tomorrow Americans are choosing the next president of the United States. Barack Obama or John McCain? People are voting, Fox News is live and direct from most of the States, of course there's gossip about unfair treatment to Republicans and Democrats but Republicans are whining more.
I sure hope Barack Obama wins. I'm not a citizen of the United States but I've been obsessed with this election. Sadly, I have to admit that I have even been doing more research on this election than on the Mexican one, which is where I live. I know more about American candidates than I knew about Mexican candidates. I followed every single debate between Biden and Palin, Obama and McCain... I know, it's pathetic but it's different times. I couldn't help but to be involved in the American election. It's historic.
Please go out and vote. Vote for whomever but please be sure that you know who and what you're voting for.
Good luck Barack Obama!!

xoxo

Cuca

Halloween for Everyone.

As you all know, it was Halloween yesterday. Even though in Mexico we celebrate Día de Muertos more than Halloween, there's some people who do go trick or treating. There's a lot of people who do, actually. Not only kids and parents who do it for fun but also the kids who do it just to get something to eat.
My friends Emilia, Santiago and I decided to buy candy and marshmallows and go to the streets where street kids hang out and clean windshields or do something to get through the day and give them their treat.
The majority of them had little plastic pumpkins in which they could keep their candies.
It was an amazing night. We ran out of treats in about forty minutes. A lot of kids and parents were happy, we were happy and I think we managed to give a lot of kids who work all day and don't even go to school a night off. Because after all, Halloween should be for everyone, right?

xoxo
Cuca

Uncertainty arises.

Sometimes, well, more often than not I feel like I'm wasting my time. Lately I've been feeling down and the inspirational/creative part of my mind, body and soul has gone missing. All I seem to do lately is watch TV and eat veggies and natural fruit—mango, strawberry, lime, coconut, grape, orange, tangerine, etc, etc,.—popsicles (they're pretty common here in Mexico. They have no preservatives, colorants nor anything chemical. They're delicious). I'm a Visual Arts student and lately haven't been inspired at all. About a month ago I started taking tons of photographs—which reminds me that I still have 3 35mm films and one medium format film still undeveloped—but lately... NOTHING. While growing up I was always really bad at school, especially in secondary school. I failed courses all the time, failed final exams and had to go to summer school during that 3 year period. Then I entered high school (10th grade) and I wasn't so bad anymore. Still, I always felt like school was never something for me. It never interested me; I got bored, I didn't like to interact with people as much and most of the time I had my headphones on. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't as anti-social as this may sound—not that there's anything wrong with being one.— I was in the soccer team, I had a lot of friends, I liked the teachers and the teachers liked me but it just wasn't my world, you know? I always felt (and still feel) like I didn't fit in. I'm in the fifth semester of my career and still have doubts about what I'm doing. I know doubts never really go away but I don't know if I'm still going the right direction... As a matter of fact, I don't even know if I made the right decision from the beginning. Am I wasting my time? The perfect excuse made by my brain is that this is something I have to live and experience; all the laziness, all the doing-nothing-time. All that wasted time. Is it worth it? How do I know if that time wasn't meant to have a great photograph or creation within its hours, minutes and seconds? Music has always been my passion, even more than Visual Arts. For reasons I don't quite understand now, I didn't go to a music school when I finished High School. Instead, I decided to apply to the Visual Arts department. I don't regret it, I just don't know if it's right for me anymore. I've never been the kind of person who finishes things, I always give up one thing before finishing it and start with the other. Sports, several extracurricular classes and activities, friends, projects, even music. I never finish anything. I hate it. I hate being so inconsistent and irresponsible. My lack of interest for my career is starting to bother me. Deep inside I know that I love Photography, it's definitely one of my passions in life but what kills my creative soul is school. They make me look at what I love as an assignment, a responsibility, something I HAVE to do when THEY want me to do it. I can't work like that. I don't function like that. They take the meaning out of my work. For the past few months I've been remembering the time when the High School counselor asked me how I saw myself in the future, in ten years. I always saw myself playing music, touring, sharing what I love the most (music) with everyone else. I never told her that. Instead I answered: 'I'm not sure, yet.'

xoxo
Cuca

My self-confused-portrait:

It's Monday once again.

It's Monday once again. Today I woke up at 6:45 am. Not because I had to (I don't have to go to the University until 10:00 am) but because my whole world backed up one hour, literally. The time changed on Saturday and what today was 6:45 am, had been 7:45 am for several months. I wonder if that slows my life down too. Does it allow me to get older any slower? What's for sure is that I'm not getting any younger, at least not physically. Spiritually, yes I am.
I always get invaded by the feeling of not wanting to do anything at all, not right now, not two hours later, not for a week. I just want to lay down and think. Write and think, think and write. Maybe cook something...
It's Monday once again and my life isn't getting any slower.

Soon...

If anyone is reading this, I just want to say that soon you'll get the chance to read one of the best blogs you've ever read. No, no, I'm kidding. However you will get the chance to read a pretty cool blog [meaning this one]. I thought that when I opened my Blogger account I'd be able to write the million things in my head and crappy notebooks on here but I haven't been able to do so. Suddenly, it's become very important and necessary for me that I type non-boring, interesting, helpful words and sentences. What if what is interesting to me isn't interesting for anyone else? What if nobody cares?
I keep telling myself that maybe I am expecting a little too much for this blog -which I have no idea how it's going to be written, yet.
Just hang in there, I swear it will be a great blog. Or maybe not but I'll do my best.

xoxo
Cuca